Where is my libido? Would putting up signs on lamp posts result in someone calling me to inform me they'd found it squashed on a road or up a tree? Are there too many questions?

You’ll only get notification if you have a decent picture. I don’t know how you photograph a libido, especially one reported missing. You may find that any representative photography would get you in a lot of trouble if posted on lamp-posts in quiet North Wales.

Your libido is probably in the sea. If you listen late at night, you can hear it raging. Not all of that noise is your libido, some of it is the sea.

Obviously.

I am probably not the best person to talk to about sex drives. Mine rarely flags, so much as it distends. Sometimes I feel like it is the wrong shape. Pulling me in wrong directions and proving inevitably unsatisfying.

Then I reconnect with my body and it’s all amazing again

But I’d still prefer it if I had somebody to play with. Something about the ritual, focus and compromise of partnership definitely serves to deepen the whole process.

There aren’t too many questions. Questions are great. They lead to learning. However, there are questions that may lead to answers not everyone wants to hear.

I can’t decide how cagey to be here. I could definitely expand on the above, but how many people really want to hear about how much of a wanker I am?

Yeah. I am a bit of a wanker. And I don’t think there should be any shame in that, sexuality should be something personal and solo sometimes, it’s an amazing way of improving your sex life and reconnecting to your body. Just take time to know yourself. Don’t get stuck on external props (I’m mostly talking about pornography here, not people, people aren’t props, that’s why you should avoid pornography, which tends to turn people into props).

Just love yourself.

With yourself.

With your hands.

The more I engage the body, the more intense it gets. The more focussed and lost in it I get, the more it all works together to create something intense and spiritual.

Where is your libido?

Where is my mind?

If the problem is bodily connection, I recommend a long bath and lots of carefully harmonic essential oils. It’s good to restore sensation to all parts of the body. Relax and intensify at the same time. Listen to yourself. Listen to your body.

A lot of it is about quietening down the mind, which is probably where all my troubles come from.

And there probably are too many questions for your libido. Don’t get locked in thought processes.

It’s a very now thing. In the moment. Don’t think about what happened before, or what’s over there.

If possible, forget about other people, but fantasy is hard to escape (and reality even harder).

On the other hand maybe you should leave yourself alone and just get out there, find somewhere with sexy music and scout out the sexy people.

Eye contact. Maybe your libido is lost in a pair of piercing, but achingly deep silver eyes.

That’s where I found mine yesterday.

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Illustration by Anna.