Is development of female masturbation different to men’s and does this make their attitudes to sex different?

I feel a need even more than usual to say that these are just ideas I’m thinking about. I don’t claim to know any real answers here.

It’s  a really important issue;  it could be critical to the development of some of the fucked up sexual attitudes there are in the world. The questioner and I have vaguely considered the possibility of writing a book on this kind of stuff, so that we could help young people grow up healthier.

Thoughts on your personal experiences are welcome.

Let’s get to it.

First of all, there are some obvious mechanical differences, partly caused by the different ‘apparatus’ involved.

I think it’s clear that some of the differences in sexuality between men and women are likely caused by the prominence and outward facing nature of men’s bits, and the internal, concealed nature of women’s.

It’s also something that’s reflected in society’s attitudes to penis and vulva. We hear and see constant reference to male sexuality, phallic symbolism, and there are a million more acceptable swears related to the penis. On the other hand, 95% of the time I have to explain what Yonic means before describing something as having Yonic symbolism, female sexuality is often presented as a foil to male sexuality, not something in it’s own right, and the word cunt is considered more of a taboo than any other swear word in existence (along with most other slang for vulvas. There also isn’t a good term that doesn’t seem too clinical or too obscene, which is a problem.)

What does this have to do with masturbation?

A lot of this starts early on. Many young teen boys are encouraged (by stereotypes and peer groups) to masturbate almost competitively. At the same time they are told that it’ll make them go blind, and generally encouraged to use pornography.

This whole thing is very problematic. It leads to this conflicted understanding of your own sexuality, and breeds the notion of using something (imagery, specifically objectifying imagery, as well as a specific object) to get yourself off.

Boys aren’t really taught that masturbation should be about self pleasure. It can be an internal thing that its beautiful and magical. It doesn’t have to be about objectification and abuse.

(I’m about to step well outside my sphere of experience by the way, so apologies to all).

Female masturbation, in early teen development, seems much more underground. It’s not something discussed so openly. This, leads to one of two possibilities. Either a journey of self discovery (which could lead to some really healthy attitudes, without all those expectations above), or the whole issue being left concealed and misunderstood (which could lead to buying into the notion of female sexuality as the completion of male objectification, which is hideous).

Sexuality is not something that should be imposed. But it is something that should be talked about. Objectification is NOT the healthiest model to be uniformly presented to young people.

We desperately need to do something about it.

Illustration by Jen.

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About Alabaster Crippens

Joiner of Dots. Player of Games. Unreliable Narrator. Dancing Fool.
This entry was posted in Questions by Jen, Special Guest Illustrations. Bookmark the permalink.

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