Why do some people prefer spoons, and others forks?

Stabbing and scooping each have their own merits. I guess some people have an increased affinity for one or the other, but I prefer to make the assessment on a case by case basis.

The wateryer the foodstuff the likelihood of spoon increases.

It also fits in with the bowl/plate debate. If you’ve gone bowl, then you it’s harder to scrape out the last smearings of flavour from the curve with a fork, but with a plate a spoon just feels silly (and you might not be able to get leverage on each chunk, requiring you to have a knife and spoon combo, which always feels wrong).

I’m now deeply concerned that next time I try to eat I’m going to end up in a state of confused paralysis, hand hovering over the cutlery draw, eyes wide, body rattling in fear.

Except I won’t.

It’s one of those things you just know.

I think I prefer spoons, but will use a fork when it’s right too. I like the feel of the spoon in my mouth. I like settling it into my cheek (once I’ve finished eating) and feeling it resculpt the muscles of my face. I like the smooth flatnesses. It’s an object I can enjoy more even without the presence of food. It’s a better catatpult and more enjoyable word to say.

Spoon.

Spooooooon.

SPOON.

Fork, of course, has it’s own set of innuendos, and showing off about knowing the word ‘tine’ is a different kind of fun all together. But when I’m picking a fork, it’s a practical choice. I want that combination of stabbing, spearing AND scooping (but not worried about slice, we’ll bring in the knife for that).

Fork always wants to bring his friend along. The stab/saw combo is a satisfying one. It feels like an enactment of civilisation every time. Brings attention to the refinement of even beans on toast when compared to the foodstuffs of the rest of the animal kingdom.

Not that refinement is any use.

I like a spoon. I like a spoon with a round head (almost circular) and a stout wooden handle. I like to be able to lick an implement and glue it to my nose for a few seconds. I like to be able to stare into it’s face and see my own distorted. I like to demonstrate the difference between concave and convex mirrors with the contents of my cutlery draw.

I don’t know why people would prefer forks. I guess there’s the stab=fun quotient for violence lovers. Possibly a love of convention (main meal, knife and fork, can handle most things that are sent your way). Maybe it’s that you can clasp it in your hand and pretend you are a tiny devil (or a giant one that forgot to find giant devil-trappings). And realistically, forks suit more foods. I suspect that despite my preference, I still use a fork more often.

Fuck forks, though. Spoons are where it’s at.

Illustration by Andy.

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About Alabaster Crippens

Joiner of Dots. Player of Games. Unreliable Narrator. Dancing Fool.
This entry was posted in Illustrations by Andy, Questions by Maya. Bookmark the permalink.

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