What is the great motivator? In other words: why existence?

Erm, why not?

Or is that cheating.

Obviously it is. But it’s also accurate, or at least, as accurate as everything else. Which is to say, it isn’t.

I don’t trust anything about this question. The concept of greatness, or even existence, seem overblown and somewhat unecessary. And I don’t really think there’s any basis to whys or motivation. Especially not on a universal level. I don’t think there’s any real thing pushing or pulling this whole mess around. I just think there’s a load of stuff, that effectively follows one set of rules, and we happen to be aware enough to explore it.

Anything explaining why that is is a fairy tale. Some of these fairy tales are inspiring and useful. They can be rich and strong and bright shining stories that are fine ways for the faithful to live lives.

I’m distrusting of this, if only because faith allows for a certain amount of unthinking submission, and I’m wary of that. This may actually be personal damage, as much as it is skeptical empiricism. I once (possibly twice) broke my mind enough to start seeing a pattern behind everything. A system that held the universe together and made it all make sense.

It almost killed me.

So I don’t believe there’s a why behind it all.

I don’t think that should be too much of a problem, as long as you recognise that an absence of a reason, doesn’t make anything meaningless. It just makes it blank enough to start building upon.

I couldn’t even tell you what motivates me. I have no idea how I get up in the morning. How I put up with the whorls and vortices in my brain. How I don’t just curl up in a ball and cry until I starve.

But I do. Because. Well. I just do.

The fact is, that this universe is here. Or at least it appears to be. In an infinite void, there’s enough space that something like this must happen. Probably infinitely. An infinite number of equally inexplicable versions of now. Every road walked down. Maybe.

However it actually works, cosmogynically, we are here, in this, now.

And all we can do is keep on walking. Any other option is just too sad.

So we live like we might find a reason. We have an opportunity to make up a universe for ourselves. And if we’re brave enough, we can do that honestly. And if we care enough, we can do that fairly. And if we love enough, we can do that lovely.

If we pretend that we can find a way. But we acknowledge that we’re building up from meaninglessness, we have a chance to be an honest self, experiencing an honest universe, without pretension.

And once we stop looking for fairy tales in the impossible, we can find something much better in the realities before us.

This sort of nihilism doesn’t kill sacredness. It buries it everywhere.

Beauty and magic abound. Without reason.

Illustration by Emma.

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About Alabaster Crippens

Joiner of Dots. Player of Games. Unreliable Narrator. Dancing Fool.
This entry was posted in Illustrations by Emma, Questions by Foxy. Bookmark the permalink.

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