Is scoring within 15 minutes a healthy relationship goal?

If you set that as a goal, then it can only be useful for 15 minutes. I don’t think that’s a sustainable approach to goal setting, let alone relationships.

My answer is going to be no, but I’m going to take a while to get there.

I guess maybe you could be lying in bed alone, and need to motivate yourself to go out and find love. Maybe you’re the type that only responds to unlikely challenges, and so you could set yourself fifteen minutes to get out there. But what happens when you fail? And what happens to your soul in that fifteen minutes of predatory horror?

I spent a long time single recently, that ended kind of surprisingly. Throughout it, I kept on finding my brain blaming my singledom on not being direct enough, not being willing to risk making an object of affection feel like, well, an object. I’ve got a bad history, I don’t want to ever be like that, so I reject that kind of behaviour, but almost all the advice you can get is to be pushier and more predatory.

It’s not right. It’s absolutely not alright. In fact, the only good advice you tend to get is ‘forget about it, something will happen when something is right’. Of course, I am all about the over-analysis (see this blog I got here?), so forgetting about something is almost impossible for me.

I suspect the question isn’t really about that. I’m optimistic that it’s setting up the notion of two instantly chemistricially matching people, attracted wholly, and ready to rush.

Even then, if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen, and it shouldn’t really be a stated goal. For a start, you’ll take some of the mystique out of that chemistry, and you’re probably thriving a lot on mystique at that point.

Is it going to be a stable starting point for a relationship? I suspect not, but I have no practical knowledge. It may not actually be much of a hindrance (unless it doesn’t work, and things get dampened immediately), but I don’t know if its a great way to start off.

One of the fun bits of starting a relationship is finding out the depths of each other, whilst trying to hold back the desire. You’re mapping out a person, trying to work out on which levels you work, getting excited about each new common ground. There’s a frisson there from the fact that you’re both probably thinking about sex. Maybe its useful to get that out of the way, or maybe it just makes everything else feel slightly lower stakes.

I wonder if relationships are built on a trickery. The lust fuels the curiosity, which accidentally unearths the compatibility. The intensity of later on, is built on different things to the intensity at the beginning, but you aim to not notice the crossfade.

I’d do these things slowly, but romance is collaboration, so listen to each other, not to me.

Illustration by Henry

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About Alabaster Crippens

Joiner of Dots. Player of Games. Unreliable Narrator. Dancing Fool.
This entry was posted in Illustrations by Henry, Questions by Colewelle. Bookmark the permalink.

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