Category Archives: Questions by Chris

What does this diagram mean?

A bit of business first. I’m not going to show you the diagram, but I have been sent a diagram. The illustrator is going to come up with their own diagram based on what I saw. You should be able … Continue reading

Posted in Illustrations by Henry, Questions by Chris | 2 Comments

Why is Ian McKellan scared of the dark?

Because he was trapped in a box for most of his childhood. The thing to remember about Ian McKellan, is not that he is gorgeous, because you don’t need to remember that, because that notion is imprinted so tautly around … Continue reading

Posted in Illustrations by Helen, Questions by Chris | Leave a comment

Check this out. You win five million dollars from the Publisher’s Sweepstakes, and the same day that that big Ed guy gives you the cheque, aliens land on the earth and say they’re going to blow up the world in two days. What do you do?

I’m guessing I’m not really in a position to negotiate with the aliens? They seem a tad unreasonable, but on the other hand, I kind of imagine we might be the rowdy neighbours of the galaxy. Blasting out a few … Continue reading

Posted in Illustrations by Emma, Questions by Chris | 2 Comments

Is there ever an appropriate time and place to carry out a half-assed autopsy on a fish?

I have never gutted a fish. I have never been in a fish mortuary. I have never been a medical examiner (fisheries department). I have never been in the film Jaws. Or a book by Peter Benchley. I have never … Continue reading

Posted in Illustrations by Henry, Questions by Chris | 1 Comment

Can you write me a Petrarchan sonnet featuring four of the following five items? a) Ed Miliband solving a rubiks cube in under 1½ minutes b) A half assed autopsy on a fish c) Art Garfunkel being gunned down by fedora wearing state troopers d) The number 81 bus e) A well timed solar eclipse

81 I’ll not forget my journey on that bus As David, grizzled, wrestled with his toy, I stirred at his sibling’s unalloyed joy, While elder bro made nothing but a fuss, The younger calmly did his hair unmuss. I ‘pologise … Continue reading

Posted in Questions by Chris, Special Guest Illustrations | 1 Comment

If not now, when?

Now is pretty much the only viable option. Sorry. Chemically hallucinating, on one occasion, I experienced the present moment as a knife. Slicing between the huge swathes of past and future, the knife always sheared forwards. It was the narrowest … Continue reading

Posted in Questions by Chris, Special Guest Illustrations | 1 Comment

Will someone please bring this madman to justice for the crimes he has committed?

(For the record, this is the madman, and these are the crimes). The problem comes from the fact, that as soon as you acknowledge that insanity is the only viable survival option, you’ve kind of laid the path you’re going … Continue reading

Posted in Illustrations by Emma, Questions by Chris | Leave a comment